I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
