do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
