like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
