I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
