The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I AM VODKA MAN
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
