TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
