Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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