cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
