you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
