i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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