i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
