it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize