I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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