Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
