i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
