Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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