She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
