Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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