We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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