you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
