He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
