Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
