i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
