i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
