So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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