When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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