So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there was a trapeze. enough said
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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