hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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