The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They took my balls.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
