i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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