She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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