the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize