are you still at the devil's house?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
