I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think my vagina is haunted
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
