He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize