White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
