mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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