you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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