Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
