There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
