I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
