He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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