he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
