i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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