i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he was CRYING into my vagina
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
