Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
