I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
