Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
