Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
