I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
