is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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