It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize