we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
