Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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