True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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