New low: just hacked my moms facebook
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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