FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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