I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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