a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
