Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
