just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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