Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
