I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
