return my video game
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
