My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
