why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
