If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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