I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
