Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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