He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
