apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
