Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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