I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
