Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
