why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Vodka?
Forever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
