Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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