I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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