just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
