Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize