hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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