I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
